Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
