I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
