i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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