omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pants are for mortals
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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