i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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