turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
