My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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