New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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