so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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