if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize