No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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