then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
