haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
