Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
