go do what you do best...puke behind churches
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
