Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
