i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
