FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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