All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
