I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
