I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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