so let's talk penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize