i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
