The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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