I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
