I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
