Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
