I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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