Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
