Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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