I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
