Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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