try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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