You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
