he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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