I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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