I am puke
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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