Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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