Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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