1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
vagina is talking i cant
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Terrible idea I love it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
