If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
