ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My hand turned me down
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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