I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
