I hope mine doesn't look like that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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