New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My cat gives me a boner
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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