Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
