so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
