i just wanna soil my oats bro
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
