***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
