You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
