You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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