So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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