Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
