You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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