Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize