Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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