how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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