I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
