I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
