wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
