I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
