Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
