God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize