I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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