woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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