I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
