my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
